How Mystical Thinking interferes with Troubleshooting IT Issues

I work in the IT field. I won't go into too much detail about what I do because I want to preserve my anonymity as much as I can.

I've noticed that in Jesusland, many people have mystical thinking about computers. I did, too, before I became comfortable with troubleshooting computer problems.

People make comments that their computers have minds of their own. They only work when they want to. Problems only happen when tech support isn't around, but vanish when we finally show up to assess the problem.

E-mail just "disappears". Gremlins eat important files.

Computers just get tired and give out.

The computer just doesn't like that Ethernet cable you're using.

I know that most of these types of comments are just mild personifications that we give to all objects around us. Overall this is harmless and reduces the stress that comes from the frustration of a cantankerous, uncooperative PC.

But when the troubleshooters themselves actually buy into this sort of thinking, problems do not get resolved. They are just chalked up as mysteries as unnecessary work around's are often devised while the real problem fails to be properly addressed and corrected.

I've seen people wonder if a NIC card had it's own mind. Or wonder why a docking station for a laptop works with a store bought Ethernet cable, but not a hand made Ethernet cable.

Rather than admitting the hand made cable is bad, they rationalize that something mystical is happening with the docking station or NIC.

I've also seen people wonder if interference from a cell phone could keep a dial up modem from working.

I'm not talking about customers. I mean technicians that are helping customers.

And that's the problem we run into when we let mysticism guide us through troubleshooting technology. You explore a false premise and ignore the clues that lead you to the facts.

Nothing is wrong with pretending your PC has a personality. I felt sort of nostalgic recently when I had to decommission a few servers that got me through thick and thin. I sorta missed 'em for a few days. It was like saying bye-bye to a neighborhood friend that was moving away for good.

But, I know that I couldn't gently pat the server on the side of the chassis and magically make it work correctly again after it malfunctioned. I can't hold a CD or DVD in one hand while laying my other hand on the server to form some sort of mind meld that mystically uploads the software.

That just doesn't work in IT.

I wish I could lay hands on a server and manage it.

Remotely.

From home.

In bed while asleep.

Now, that would be the shiznits!

Man, if that sort of thing could really happen, I might reconsider the existence of God!

Or maybe the Force.

The Gossip Game

I love my son, but sometimes I just don't believe a word he says.

He comes home from school and tells me that kids are selling cocaine on his bus!

Yeah, cocaine.

While that is possible these days . . . keep in mind that my son is in second grade (at the time of this post).

Second grade.

C'mon.

C'mon now.

In a town that has virtually no major crime reported.

In the second grade!

C'mon, now.

So, naturally, I start asking questions.

• me: How do you know they were selling cocaine, son? (keeping a straight face)
• son: The bus driver said it. (remember that statement . . .)
• me: The bus driver?
• son: Yeah, the bus driver wrote them up and then suspended them from school.
• me: That's an extraordinary claim, son. Do you know what I mean when I say this?
• son: No . . . . . *shakes his head*
• me: What if I told you I saw a purple dog flying through the sky while wearing a cape? Would you believe me -- even if I really sounded serious about it?
• son: No . . .
• me: That's what I mean by an extraordinary claim, son. So, tell me what happened. Start from the beginning.
• son: Well, K stood up on the bus and shouted.
• me: Uh-huh . . . so, what did he say?
• son: K was talking loud about J. and said that J's name sounded like a girl's name -- but J. is a boy. The whole bus heard and everybody started laughing.
• me: OK. What next?
• son: J got mad at K.
• me: Why was K bothering J?
• son: K was just being mean. Making fun . . .
• me: So . . . . what next?
• son: The bus driver stopped the bus and went to the back. Then J got written up. I think he got suspended.
• me: Why did J get into trouble? He was being picked on . . .
• son: He put up his middle finger to K.
• me: Oh, I see . . . J threw the bird atK. (sounds like K asked for it . . .)
• son: Yeah . . .
• me: So, did K get into trouble?
• son: No.
• me: No? Hmmm . . . that's sounds unfair. OK, well . . . what next?
• son: The bus driver got back into his seat and started driving again . . .
• me: OK, then what?
• son: That's it.
• me: *incredulous silence*
• me, again: Where does cocaine fit into all of this?
• son: L said that they were selling something in the back of the bus.
• me: Was this during all the commotion between J and K?
• son: No . . . but a few days ago our bus driver said we shouldn't sell things to each other on the bus.
• me: I don't care about a few days ago. I mean, I'm not disputing that you shouldn't sell things. I'm not disputing what your bus drive said. But, I want to know about today and you're claim that someone sold cocaine.
• me, again: Did you even see anyone sell anything?
• son: No . . . I was sitting in the front of the bus.
• me: Son, do you even know what cocaine looks like?
• son: It looks like cigarettes.
• me: How do you know?
• son: Well . . . that's just my opinion.

Yeah, my son and I have had the "fact and opinion" talk.
He's slowly learning to call things his opinion if he knows he doesn't have any facts to back up what he's saying.

I guess he's still learning this lesson, huh?

• me: So far, only J is in trouble. Did anyone else get into trouble? Did anything else go on?
• son: K got in trouble for selling.
• me: You know this because?
• son: L said they were selling stuff.
• me: Who is L?
• son: The girl that was sitting with me on the bus. We were sitting up front together.
• me: How did L see what was going on and you couldn't? You were both in the front of the bus.
• me: Anyhow, did you stop to think that K got in trouble for taunting J, while J got in trouble for throwing the bird. After all, you said that K shouted loudly. The whole bus heard him. He didn't go unnoticed by the bus driver. It makes sense that they would both get into trouble. Wouldn't you agree?
• son: Yeah, I guess he would have gotten in trouble, too. They were both really mad at each other and causing a ruckus.
• me: So, where does the cocaine fit in all of this? Is this something you only heard from L? You said that the bus driver said this, too. Is that really true?
• son: The bus driver was really mad and told everybody on the bus to shut up because we were so loud.
• me: Are you trying to say that because he was so mad, they were selling cocaine?? Did youpersonally hear the bus drive say anything about cocaine?
• son: No . . .
• me: Son, I have one more question . . . why should you believe what L has to say? I didn't believe you because you gave sketchy information. If I L were here to make the same claims you originally made, I'd ask her the same sort of questions I just asked you. I wouldn't believe her, either -- especially if she gave me the same kind of answers you gave. So, why should you believe what she has to say about this?
• son: *sits quietly* (Imagine that!)
• me: I'm not fussing at you, son. I'm not even accusing you of lying. I just want you to think more about what people tell you, before you go spreading around potentially harmful rumors to everyone else. OK?
• son: Okay . . .

That discourse got me to thinking: Is fundamental Christianity a harmful rumor that everyone keeps spreading? Is Evangelical Christianity really the Gospel, or just a huge Gossip Game? Why believe the sketchy information of the Bible and the extraordinary claims of 2000 year old stories without at least some question?

If you do believe the stories, that's certainly your prerogative. But at the very least, check up on your facts from history, first. Otherwise, you're only playing the Gossip Game.

And remember . . . rumors can produce a lot of hurt.

Not Fair; You're Cheating!

When I was little, my big brother started teaching me how to play chess. I learned the moves, but my brother always stomped me when we played.

Big brother used a chess board to beat up on his poor little brother.

How shameful!

He left me wondering why I could never win. Why could he always make certain moves whenever he wanted, but I couldn't. The rules always seemed to work for him, but never for me.

I felt like he was always cheating.

But as I got older, I improved enough to see that my brother was simply a better chess player. After all, he was much older. He understood the game and knew how to use strategy within the rules and crush me. He know how to limit my movement on the chess board until he trapped my king -- which is the ultimate prize in chess.

I slowly learned to hold my own against him in chess. He remained the better player, but I could get him now and then.

However, when I tried to match wits against my big brother in religious discussions (back when I was a Christian), I would get that same felling I had when he was teaching me chess. I felt like the rules always worked in his favor -- hardly ever in mine.

"Not fair", I'd say to myself. "He's cheating".

Today, I know better. My brother was never cheating at all. He simply knew something that I didn't.

What If?

Contrariwise, continued Tweedledee, if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.

That's logic.

-- Lewis Carroll

Someone asked me once, "What if you were not born in America? Do you really think you'd still be a Christian"?

I stuck my chest out, "Why, of course I would! I know God would lead me to this way".

My challenger pressed me a little harder, "So, you mean to tell me that if you were born in Saudi Arabia or in Africa, or anywhere that Christianity was not main stream -- you'd still magically be a Christian"?

The incredulous tone in his voice caused me to reconsider my previous reasoning.

"Well . . . I supposed not. But, I'd like to think God would reach out to me and show me the way". My response even sounded weak to my own ears.

"So then" he replied, "what of all those who never see the way? Why would God reach out to you if you were born into another religion and not do this regularly for everyone else?"

Hmmmm . . .

So, what would I be today if I were born in a non-Christian environment?

Why did I get this "privilege" while others who were born in non-Christian environments have an increased chance at being doomed to hell?

I was forced to realize that I grew up Christian only because my dear mother made me one; I didn't choose Jesus. Jesus didn't choose me.

Momma chose Jesus for me.

That day, I decided to become a Christian for myself by my own choosing.

That was also the day I (unwittingly) proceeded to unravel my ties to religious faith.

So then . . .

If I was born Jewish, I might still be; and if I were born Muslim, I would still be; but as it isn't, I grew up a Christian. And, now . . . I ain't.

Thanks to logic.