A Storm is Brewing

A storm is brewing; I think I may be outed soon.

See . . . evangelical Christians have a duty to evangelize. As a former Christian, I was trained to share my faith, my mom was taught this way, my mother-in-law believes this and practices this, and passages like Matthew 28:19 imply this duty. Over and over, I've heard that parents are charged with teaching their children "the faith"; Christians who are seeking a spouse are admonished to avoid marrying non-believers (1 Corinthians 7) and convert their spouse if neither of them were in the faith before entering matrimony.

To make this duty towards evangelism more complicated, the various flavors of evangelical Christianity have their own outline of creeds and articles of faith which detail the preaching and obtaining of salvation and how to introduce the gospel to others. Some evangelical Christians can accept the differences of other Christians sects while other Christian groups cannot. So then, a strong drive to teach others about the correct Christianity can be seen in some believers. They will attempt to convert anyone outside of their belief system-- even other Christians outside of their specific denomination.

When I stopped looking through the lens of Christian duty, I found it curious when various Christians claimed they are under attack by secularism, the "new atheism", Islam or the government. I say this because many Christians are unaware that they sometimes go beyond simply sharing their faith; rather, they find themselves imposing it. And when non-believers (theist or not) push back in order to maintain their liberty to worship as they please (or to not worship at all), some Christians can become offended by that.

Since Christendom contains members who assume their faith is the only correct viewpoint, such believers tend to unwittingly posses a sense of entitlement for preferential treatment-- for no policy can exist outside the ultimate authority and bridle its overstep; for without their faith, there could be no good or correct policy in the first place. So naturally, these kinds of Christians feel attacked when others simply remind them that the world shouldn't be required to follow suit and adopt their religious faith.

All of which brings me to the problem at hand.

My mother-in-law approached my son about matters of faith recently-- behind closed doors. My son told me and his mom about this incident shortly after it happened. My mother-in-law cornered him and asked him if he believed in God. My son has told me in the past that he does not, but he responded to her question with an emphatic yes. He even recounted that he tried to use such a tone in his voice that made her inquiry sound crazy. She proceeded to tell him that he doesn't need his parents' permission to have a relationship with God. And well . . . I don't dispute that. What worries me is that her probing implies that she doesn't trust that we, his parents, are doing what we should and she feels now that it's her duty to impose Christian faith on our children since we don't seem to be doing so. I also hate to see my son caught in the middle of this issue. He's being pressured to deal with matters that shouldn't be of his concern, yet. Neither of my children deserve that.

My wife, on the other hand, became incensed to the point of planning a day to confront her over this issue. She seems quite ready to revel that she's done with church and God and wants her mother to leave our kids alone concerning matters of faith.

Me . . . I'm not ready to have that talk. I don't want my mother to know that I'm no longer a believer in Christianity-- let alone God. I don't want to deal with all the questions my mother-in-law will have as to how or why I could have come to be this way. And worse-- I'm not ready to deal with my mom's feelings at this point in our lives. I know I don't have a lot of time left with my mom relative to how long I've already had. I don't want to ruin what may be the last years of my relationship with my mom.

Also, I feel my son is grounded in what he does and doesn't believe. I am not opposed to him being a believer; my only hope is that he thinks for himself. I have not forbidden him from believing in God. I have only asked him to make sure that whatever group he connects to, he thinks for himself and chooses which ever deity he worships for himself. I am also teaching my daughter this way. So, I'm not too worried about my mother-in-law converting my children as much as her dragging them off to church when they have decided for themselves that they are non-believers as well. That will become hard to explain and forcing them both to play along for years to come isn't fair to them.

And finally-- right or not-- I feel that I would face discrimination upon being outed concerning my non-belief in God. My place of employment often appears in a local, Christian-based business magazine. Upper management assumes everyone is a believer and they take the liberty to forward pro-Christian e-mail chain letters with the tone that anybody is stupid who disagrees. I've seen non-believers lose their jobs for reasons that to me, seemed to boil down to their being too outspoken about their unconventional thinking. To be fair, I only think one person actually lost their job for being openly atheist on YouTube while in the same breath mentioning his place of employment. Dumb move. But, I think when you make yourself open about non-believe, that becomes a marker against you and may be the deciding factor should you ever find yourself being re-evaluated by management.

It seems an unfortunate destiny awaits me-- that duty bound Christians will continue to pry until they pry away the door to my closet. Waiting for this day is like watching a brewing storm; I worry about the damaged relationships the storm might leave behind in it's wake.

Sad News . . .

I' recently watched a news report about an infant who died due to being left in a car during the summer-like heat.

Annually, kids (and pets) seem to die needlessly because they were left in a parked car that became way too hot inside. People sometimes have a lapse of judgment and leave dependents in the car for an extended period of time. Perhaps they forget the baby was sleeping in the back seat. Maybe they don't think they will be gone too long and didn't think the heat would become deadly. Maybe they plan to come right back after running just for a second, but something distracts them. Perhaps they are did something outside of their routine. Maybe they were keeping someone else's child and they haven't quite adjusted to retrieving the child from the car after getting out. These may sound like lame excuses. Some of them probably are. But, some of them just happen because people are . . . well . . . human.

In this specific report, a married couple goes to church one Sunday morning. I don't know the details because I was not there. I can only imagine, though, that as they got out of the car their hands were full. Maybe they were running late and their absence was holding up service. I say this because the husband was the church musician. Whatever the case, the husband sees another church member who is heading towards the church building. The husband asks this fellow church member to bring his baby in for him. Maybe he yelled it across the parking lot. Maybe he just asked as he hurried past to get inside for service, not waiting for an answer.

Regardless, this church member claims that he did not hear the request to retrieve the baby from the car.

So, the couple goes inside and unwittingly leaves their baby out in the church parking lot closed up in the car. The temperature reached an unusual high that day, too.

I honestly don't believe this couple wanted their baby to die; I'm certain they are distraught about this. If they could turn back time, I'm sure they would have done things differently. I'm sure the couple would have ensured the safety of their child if they knew what was about to happen on that fateful day.

I'm so sorry to hear about their loss. Despite the fact that as parents they were totally responsible for their child, I cannot look down on them or pass judgment on them. This seems to happen every year to someone in the United States. New parents can go through a lot of stress which can cause a lapse in judgment sometimes. I have two kids. And while I've never left one of my kids in a car, I can see how some parents (and even grandparents) can make some poor parenting mistakes.

What adds more frustration to this sad news (in my opinion) is what some of the interviewees said. After calling this an awful tragedy (and I agree with that part), they say, "Well, God will work it out . . ."

I can't help it . . .

The poor baby died in a church parking lot; What is left for God to work out?!

Is Heaven in the Sky?

In the past, I have shared several dialogues between me and my son.

But today, I will share a dialogue between me and my five year old daughter.

My five year old attends the same day care that my son once did. The facility is quite good with the exception (in my view) that they will try to indoctrinate your child. After all, the daycare facility is run by a mega-church. What can one expect?

Now my daughter is finally starting to ask the tough questions about God. This day surly came faster than I thought.

While riding down the highway my daughter asks out of the blue:

“Daddy, is Heaven in the sky?”

“No sweetie. Heaven isn't up there in the sky. We've sent astronauts into space, we fly planes in the air all the time, and we have satellites floating around way up there in space. No one has bumped into Heaven up there. Pass the sky and you end up among the moon and stars. So between the ground and space where the sky is, we haven't found Heaven.”

I could have told her that Heaven was the sky. But I think the heart of her question was really, “Is God's home up there in the sky?”

Whether you're a theist or not, can you honestly say that God is sitting up there somewhere in the sky?

Anyhow . . .

My daughter thought about my answer for a moment. Then she asked,

“Well, what are all those clouds in the sky for?”

I guess she was wondering why clouds needed to float majestically in the Heavens above if Heaven isn't really “up there”.

“They aren't really for anything, exactly." I said. "The clouds are in the sky because water turns into a gas when it gets hot.”

“A gas?” She seemed to know what “gas” was, but was caught off guard with the idea that water could exist as a “gas”.

Time to introduce the fact that matter can exist in several phases.

“Yeah . . . you know what an ice cube is, right?”

“Yeah, but I don't like ice cubes. They hurt my hands and lips and I can't crunch them with my teeth. They hurt because they are so cold.”

“Right. Well, when water is really, really cold it turns into something like a rock. It becomes solid. When water is not so cold, we see it the usual way-- as a liquid.

“Daddy . . . what's a liquid?”

“Anything that is “wet” like water is a liquid. The juice you love to drink all the time is liquid like water.”

I paused for a moment, then continued.

“And if water gets hot, it turns to gas and floats into the air. As the gas keeps going up and up, it starts to cool again and forms the clouds you see. When a cloud gets too big and can't hold any more water, it releases that water to the ground. You know that that's called?”

“Rain!”

“Exactly!”

Then my daughter says, “I know that when I drink too much water, I have to pee. Just like the clouds when they hold too much water and start to rain!”

Hey . . . she came up with that one all on her own. That "pee" thing wasn't my idea.

Then she asked why she couldn't hold her pee forever. You know, it's such an inconvenience to stop playing just to go pee, after all.

So my son and I started to explain the purpose of a bladder.

And then that question turned into another conversation all together.

Notice that I did not tell my daughter that Heaven did not exist. I only told her the truth about the sky. We have not found Heaven up there and the clouds come from a cycle of evaporation and condensation. Have you heard any reports of Heaven being found in the sky?

This is no different than what I did with my son. I simply gave him facts and tried to encourage him to think for himself.  I'm now doing this for my daughter.

No crime or criticism can be found in that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the way, below is an interesting graphic of "the Heavens" as depicted by the website Live Science.

[Source: Telescopes for Beginners for OurAmazingPlanet.com]

Mommy, Do We Believe in Jesus?

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Matthew 18:6


Did you read the quote above? Did you read the one up there?
Huh? Did you? Take a glance at it before you continue.

You read it? OK. Here it goes:

My darling little daughter asked the other day:

Mommy, is Jesus real?
(Ha! It's Mommy's turn to get some tough questions from the kids!)

Mommy replies: Well, for some people Jesus is real-- and for some, Jesus is like Santa Clause.

(Mommy phrased her answer this way because recently she told our daughter that Santa Clause is not real.)

Then our precious little four-year-old cutie digs even deeper:

Mommy . . . do we believe in Jesus? I don't think we do . . . do we?

Mommy's response?

Uh -- we'll have to talk about that another time, sweetie.

I find the fact interesting that my daughter asked if we believed in Jesus-- as if she is trying to fit in socially. Sort of like sitting at a dinner table watching everyone else while you try to figure out which fork to use for the salad.

She wouldn't know or think to believe in Jesus except that someone introduce her to the whole idea (read: daycare staff & grandparents). Just as you don't really think about a salad fork-- until you notice that you have two slightly different forks at the table. Which fork should you use?

Our daughter knows that we don't attend church regularly and that we do not insert ideas about God and Jesus into our nurturing-- unlike the daycare staff and grandparents. She notices this and she wants to fit in with us at home, too, apart from the religious indoctrination she faces.

People who believe their faith should spread tend to reach out to children. And parents who don't participate in the indoctrination process often receive a stern warning from believers in the form of the above quote.

The indoctrination process seems mindless and automatic to me. And the stern warnings sometimes come across as a cruel scare tactic.

My wife and I don't want our daughter to be helplessly enveloped by this process of indoctrination. We want her to be able to choose for herself with wide open eyes.

And honestly, I don't think my wife and I are the kind of parents that deserve to be drowned with millstones around our necks.

Daddy, Does God Care About Me?

Children can ask questions that require answers way beyond a parent's comfort level. You worry that your child isn't ready for the answer you really want to give. You worry that what you really mean will get lost in his or her lack of experience with life. Maybe your child will get the wrong idea and develop some sort of anxiety, neurotic complex, or compulsion over a completely benign issue.

So, I tread lightly when my son asks me a deep question. And I worry over when my daughter will start asking deep question, too; I am safe for now since she is still in pre-school. But of course, that will change all too soon.

While out on vacation, my mom asked me to take her to a Christian book store. As she browsed the merchandise in search of a gift, my son and I wandered just out of her earshot.

Just then, my son accosts me:

"Dad, what's a Christian anyway? I mean, is all this stuff in here Christian? It all looks so boring. Why are we in this store anyway?"

I gave him that look. You know, that glare that parents give their children when they are talking too much.

But he persisted.

"What?"

He tried to claim innocence as he shrugged his shoulders.

"What did I do? Did I say something wrong? I just wanna know what a Christian is."

My son, who should already be a Christian in my mom's view, is asking what a Christian is.

Very loudly.

In a Christian bookstore.

With my mother nearby.

That's bad news if my mom hears that kind of talk from my son. She'll know that I haven't been "training him up in the way that he should go".

I told him that we'd talk about it later. But for now, he needed to keep his mouth shut.

Then I gave him the parent glare again. This glare was a bit meaner than the previous one.

That time, he got the point.

Luckily, I remembered to keep my word and started talking more about religion with him a few days later. Because unbeknown to me, my son had another tough question coming down the pike. Our initial little talk would form some important groundwork for the next tough questions that was formulating in his mind.

I prefaced our first discussion by warning him that I would break his thumbs if he went back to his grandparents and talked about the things we would discuss concerning religion.

Okay, okay, I didn't tell my son I would break his thumbs. That's cruel.

But, I did explain to him that people can be very, very passionate about religious faith. He needed to realize that while his mother and I are very open, his grandparents are not and will become deeply hurt if he asked them certain taboo questions or misrepresented (or tattled about) something I said.

I'm taking a risk here. But, I think he got the picture this time.

I think he understands because he then admitted to thumbing through a copy of Babylon Religion that I have. My son claimed he found a story within that book where someone's arm was sawed off for believing in the "wrong" religion.

He said that after seeing that, he fully understood that people can get really mad about religion.

How the hell did he find that book anyway? I thought I put it away out of his reach.

Oh well . . . better for him to find that book than to find -- oh never mind.
(What? I was referring to my copy of The God Delusion.)

Unbelievably, he kept his mouth shut to listen to what I had to say. That doesn't happen often. He must have been really eager to have this talk.

So, I started discussing religion with him from a "history class" point of view. I explained to him that there are many faiths in our world. I told him that you'll find as many different ideas about God as you'll find cars in a Super Wal-Mart parking lot. Some of the followers from different religions get along with each other, whereas others do not. The same holds true for followers within the same religion. I told him that he needed to respect other people's beliefs and that he was responsible for finding his own sense of religious belief. And I told him that I would love him just the same if he ever decided to have no religious affiliation at all.

I also mentioned (as casually as I could) that many people do not believe in God at all. I told him that such people shouldn't be looked down upon, just like you shouldn't look down on anyone else of a different faith.

I told him that the three most noticeable religions today are Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. I told him about their most basic differences in a simplistic fashion. I told him that Christians are followers of Christianity.

Then I explained that Christianity is simply a religion where followers worship Yahweh. But, to please Yahweh, you must believe in the sacrifice made by Jesus Christ. I also tried to explain Judaism and Islam in similar, simplistic terms.

I also pointed out that other religions and belief systems are widely practiced. I mentioned Hinduism, Buddhism, and Wicca as other examples.

Eventually, he asked me why so many religions seemed to end with "isim".

After talking with my son, I sense that he is a theist at the moment. But I don't think he realizes Christian influences are being pushed onto him. He doesn't seem to see himself as Christian exactly. Just someone who believes in God. He only speaks of Jesus because he hears others throw that name around at church, at his grandparent's house, or on religious programs.

He didn't even realize that when he says "grace" over his food, that he is praying a Christian prayer. I even had to point that out to him.

But I also sense that my son has doubts about theism.

How do I know?

Well, the whole religion talk we had was about a week prior to this post.

And even more recently, my son asked his toughest question yet:

Daddy, does God care about me?

How does a closet atheist answer such a question?

Why, you answer such a question with a question!

"Son", I ask with parental tenderness (ha, ha), "why do you ask such a question?"

"Because," he replied, "I ask God to do things for me and I pray to him, but he never seems to answer or say anything."

Ah, I see.

I know exactly what you mean.

Well, at least, that's what I thought inside my head.

But I didn't divulge my thoughts completely. Instead, I drew in a deep breath as basically said:

I can't answer that one for you, son. You have to decide what God means to you for yourself. I won't share my (non) belief about God with you right now. When you're older, I'll be more open with you. But for now, you need to decide how to believe in God.

You ask an important question, however. Don't feel ashamed for asking it. I have asked that question myself.

He sat quietly for a moment. Then went on talking about his favorite comic books and video games.

He can see that if he asked his Dad a question, he gets a response. Daddy cares.

But when he asks God for something, all he hears is silence.

I can certainly see why he wonders whether or not God cares about him.

I just hope my son doesn't develop feelings of worthlessness simply because he can't get an imaginary person to answer him.

I might need to bring up atheism to my son sooner than I though.

Train Up a Child

I often wonder what to do about my kids. I want to teach them what I've now learned about the Bible. I want to teach them not to take the Bible so literally.

But at the same time, I do not want to forbid them the opportunity to believe in God if they want to do so. Nor do I want to forbid that they explore church. But, I want them to know up front what I know. I want church and the Bible to have the burden of proof in their minds, rather than they grow up believing in God, church, and Bible unquestioningly. I don't want them to assume that clergy and the Bible in particular are the ultimate authority on all things.

But being in the closet makes this very difficult. My mother and my mother-in-law both pump my oldest son with teachings about God. Yet, this only fills him with questions that I have trouble answering without giving away my non-belief. My daughter is very young -- that's primarily why I don't mention her as much as my son. But, she is going to a Christian based daycare. She gets bombarded, too.

I don't want to totally intervene and plainly tell them God is no different from Santa Clause. Who knows. One day, I may change my own mind about that. However, I don't want them to blindly obey a scripture text without knowing something about what archeology and history revel concerning any given scripture text.

Also, I know my son will start to leak my non-Christian views to my two "moms" and blow my cover should I start plainly sharing my views.

So, what should I do?

I feel like a coward sometimes by avoiding many of my son's questions. I feel selfish, too. I feel selfish for not telling my children what I think is best for them in a plain, outright fashion-- all because I don't want people to know that I've changed.

Yet, I also feel selfish for wanting to curb their developing faith in God. I want them to be their own persons and decide for themselves. But, I want them to posses the information that I have learned as they make their personal decisions about God.

Funny how the Bible says to train up a child and they will not depart from the path that you teach them. My mother did this with me; it didn't turn out so well thus far. And I secretly hope that fundamentalist Christianity doesn't work for my children, either.

So, what should I do as they grow up?

I suppose all I can do is teach my kids to think for themselves. Let them learn the Bible, but let them learn the faculties of reason and skepticism, too.

Otherwise, I 'm at a loss as to what to do.

Nobody At Home

A winter weather advisory recently went out for my local area, but everyone was expected to still come to work. But as the day went on, businesses decided to close and let employees go home early due to the worsening conditions of the weather. Icy rain and high winds were causing accidents on the interstate and power outages in some residential and business areas.

I made my way home after our employers gave us permission to leave. Shortly after getting home, my wife also arrived. She said that she heard some schools may let out early. Maybe our son would come home early, maybe he wouldn't. She wasn't sure.

Then I though, "Gee, I wonder how will we know if our son's school has dismissed early? The local news doesn't always announce this kind of information. And, I can't always hear the bus drive past our home. And how will my son know that we're home should the bus drop him off? He will most likely assume no one is home if he doesn't see some obvious sign that we're here. I'd better let the garage door up, or something."

I understood my son's mindset. As a result, I predicted that he wouldn't ring the door bell because he would assume nobody was at home -- I knew that he wouldn't see any use to knock or ring the door bell.

So to prevent unnecessary suffering for my son, I figured I should leave some sign that we were home. Just in case his school had an early dismissal.

Then just as I perceived all of this, I allowed myself to get distracted and failed to lift the garage door to our home.

I totally forgot to follow through with my plan. My idea melted away as I became concerned with other things around the house. I also think that in the back of my mind I had a mindset too -- I partially assumed school would not dismiss early.

A good hour or so went by before my wife decided to sit down on the couch to watch a movie. Then she heard a whimpering sound at the door.

There was my son, standing in the icy cold rain, crying and lamenting that no one was home to let him in the house! He'd stood at the door crying for about an hour before we realized he was there!

Yet all along, we were home. He just didn't know we were inside. And we didn't know that he was outside.

We whisked him into the house and got him out of his cold, wet cloths. We dried him off and had him put on some warm pajamas. Then we quickly made him a hot cup of coco.

We treated him like the prodigal son who finally came home.

We profusely apologized to him and let him know that we didn't realize he was standing outside.

We felt horrible. Personally, I felt like a very bad parent. I felt especially bad because I figured this would happened, but I neglected to prevent it. I simply forgot to push the button to the garage to let it up. All of this could have been avoided.

But after he got warmed up, he started to play and was happy again.

On that day, I learned the dangers of making assumptions. Mindsets should constantly be challenged. And, if you have a good idea -- follow though with it. Especially if that good idea can help someone or even save a life.

But, I learned even more a few days later.

At the time when I was just beginning to suspect the bible was man-made, I prayed. I begged god to help me avoid the path of non-belief.

Just like my son crying at the door to get in from the cold, I cried out to god for help. I begged him to rescue me from the assault against my beliefs.

Yes, it was very bad of me to anticipate our son's early dismissal, and yet I still forgot to prepare. But I can say that when we heard him crying outside, we let him in -- and we did it quickly.

But, when I cried out to god in my hour of need all I heard was silence.

I felt remorse on the day that my son was locked out in the cold. But, I also realized deep down inside, I was simply a good person who made a bad mistake. I will learn from my past negligence and become a better parent because of it.

But for god to ignore his children at their darkest spiritual hour -- what does that say about him?

Maybe that means god isn't home.